Let Me Try for "Funny" or at Least "Eww Gross"

Today's words are: relevancy, surfeit, and dolorous.

The relevancy of long pig came into focus on the afternoon when the last can of dog food turned out to be rancid. Mike knew not what caused the dog food to contaminate so utterly but it really didn't matter. He wanted to live, not yack his sweet meats out and die in a pool of himself. Nay, today he would find a way to carry on. He would triumph in the face of adversity because he had nothing else to do.

He'd have to Go Out and Look for Food.

A breeze, of a temperature akin to warm, blew across his bare skin, upon which a rash grew. The wind did not make it feel better nor did the sun. He shot one of them in the head as he came into the center of town. He would have sworn the dolorous face eased a little with a smile as it died. It had a rather nice leather belt around its waist and he tore it loose and hitched it around himself. If he couldn't surfeit himself with proper food, he might have to boil that belt and pretend. He wondered what boiled zombie brains would taste like, toeing a piece of skull as he pondered. He'd seen survivalists suck marrow out of bones back in the Age of Television but he didn't think there was enough left in a zombie to bother putting his lips together.

But then he found something that could entice him to do oh so much more. He found a real life woman. And from the look of her, she'd had plenty to eat. She saw him and walked in the other direction, letting him follow. The waggle of her walk reminded him of pork chops and bacon. He wanted to dip strips of her thighs in barbecue sauce and broil them on an open flame. He could have bit into the flesh of her upper arm while his fingers tore off her ears and stuffed them in his pockets for later.

Then she turned on him. And she shot him dead. From the shadow of an alley came a group of other plump humans. Together they hauled Mike away and made plans for a mighty good time.